Monday, December 19, 2011

Marriage, Marriage, Marriage

Still puzzled about the whole marriage thing.
How to express something without being offensive.  Is there a way to make a point? Being ungrateful and mean to your spouse is not smart really.  So let see.
Point 1. They want to have sex, right?  Well, after 40 women do not like "make up sex".  They like "I love you sex".
Point 2. They want good food.   Well, women cook well when they are appreciated.  The food then will be a medicine.
Point 3. They like to feel smart.  Well, women will not think that they are smart if they are missing points 1 and 2.

"Are You Coming?", she asked.

Saturday afternoon.  I was not planning to go a satsang.  Originally I was supposed to go to a friend of mine who had Shiva Lingam but something changed and she was not hosting it.   Another satsang was happening in Edison which is further away.  I decided to stay home.
I was updating my facebook when I saw a message inside my facebook on the computer screen "Paramahamsa Nithyananda is calling you".  I could not believe my eyes. (Please read this sentence three times to feel what I felt when I saw the message.)
Panicking  that I do not know what to do (my technical skills need a lot of enlightenment), I started looking for a button to press to accept.  No button.  At that moment my phone rang.  I picked it up,
"Nithyanandam Ma, are you coming to satsang today?",  Harikanta (our New Jersey coordinator) said.
I said: "Oh, yes,  I am coming."

Satsang (Sanskrit sat = true, sanga = company) in Indian philosophy means (1) the company of the "highest truth," (2) the company of a guru, or (3) company with an assembly of persons who listen to, talk about, and assimilate the truth.[1] This typically involves listening to or reading scriptures, reflecting on, discussing and assimilating their meaning, meditating on the source of these words, and bringing their meaning into one’s daily life. Contemporary spiritual teachers in the West frequently come from the East but can come from any part of the world.
from wikipidia

Friday, December 16, 2011

Kumkum materialized today

Today in the morning I found kumkum on the padukas in my pooja room under a flower!  


Several days  before Devi's Enlightenment I had some friends over.  One of the ladies brought a flower in the pot for me as a gift, Amaryllis.  The future flower had several green leaves sticking out of the pot.  Nothing promising.  Twice my girl friends gave me flowers that supposed to grow and bloom.  Never happened.  One time it did not even sprouted and the other time it died before flowering.  Whatever I was doing to these poor flowers did not work for them.
I welcomed this flower to my home with a healing energy that Swamiji initiated us into.
Four days later on a special day of Devi's enlightenment a big, pink beauty opened up. Devi's enlightenment was celebrated for three days and guess what:,  three additional flowers opened up within the next two days.
In the meantime I was using the whole flower for the pooja.  On the last day of celebrations, during pooja, I heard a crisp, clicking sound and a flower landed in my hands.  I thought:"Oh Good, they loved it"  The flower was not even fully opened.  I continued my pooja and used this flower for it.  As always with flowers used for pooja this one has stayed  looking fresh for 5 days now.  It seems that it is thinking to live forever.  I also noticed with other flowers that the smell would be the same even after several days.
Anyway, yesterday was a special day.  My son was taking a very difficult math exam.  I saw him meditating in the morning  I knew he would be in a great shape after meditation.  He left and i went to do my pooja.   I did not say "Oh, Swamiji let him pass the test,  I did ask Swamiji to bless him.  At the end of the pooja I heard the same sound; crisp and short.  Another flower fell into my hands and .. again  I used it for my pooja.
My son passed his math exam and when I came to my pooja room today, I ....found KUMKUM on the padukas.
I feel showered in love.  I enjoy all these things and keep reminding myself what an amazing world we are living in and how much we do not understand yet.  How exciting that the veil of our ignorance is lifting.  Do you feel it?

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Greedy for Miracles

This is somewhat a continuation of "Rose for my birthday" story.
I brought the rose branch into my house;  a rose opened up and I used it for my guru pooja.  Well, my rose miracle did not stop there.
On the other branch there was an absolutely green bud.  Once the first rose opened up completely, this green bud started opening up. Another red rose started blooming.
It was too much!  I thought "No way", just "No way"  Well, it did open.  I took pictures and again I used this rose for my guru pooja.
Guess what?  Now I started feeling that I wanted to continue this miracle to happen.  There were three more green buds. One of them started opening up a little.  Now please remember that these rose branch came from the tree outside of my house and all I did I put it in the water inside my house.  It was the third week of the branch being inside my house.
Once I saw the third red rose started opening I kept on checking on the flower.  I checked and checked again and my camera was so ready for the another rose to show up.  Exciting...
Well, it did not.  It just stopped opening up and the rest of the buds did not show any potential blooming all of a sudden.
I thought a little about it and the only difference was that when the first roses were opening I was not expecting them.
Neither I was ready for the very first one to bloom on my birthday, nor I expected to get the second one inside my house.  But once I got the first two I was expecting it to continue and the miracle stopped...
I became greedy for miracles.  "Not enough" attitude showed up.  The lesson for me was "watch how attachments form, watch how greed shows up,"
Dear God, let me be grateful for everything and expect nothing,  
...such a blissful way of learning though...Thank you Swamiji.

"Better Than Sex"

I heard this expression many times.  Friends of mine use it when they are describing something that was absolutely outstanding in the feeling of pleasure.  I heard it about tennis, food, etc.
I now have another reference point - awakening of the Kundalini energy - OMG...

House as a Temple

What is the difference in us when we go to a place of worship: a temple, a church, or  a monastery?
Do we feel differently?  Do we behave differently?
Have you noticed this special "holy" feeling you experience when you are in a house of God?
Well, I  figured out that there is a technique that is widely used by followers of  the Vedic tradition and Russian Orthodox Church.  I am sure these things exist  in  other traditions as well .
Every house has a sacred place of worship of God or Guru.   Chanting and worship happens there every day.   What does it make your house then?  Well, it transforms your house into a ... temple.  If you are in a temple will you still  have these silly arguments with your family members?
There should also be no two personalities: a "church" personality and "I am home and I am tired of all of you or some of you" personality.
Awesome technique...

Friday, November 18, 2011

Shiva Linga in NJ!

A great family lives in NJ close to George Washington Bridge.   
Nithyananda gave Shiva Linga as a present to the wife of this family and it arrived from Bidadi.
They created a special sacred place for it in their house and last Saturday I went for a visit.  I can only tell that it is addicting!  I sat a little bit next to it and it was difficult to start moving.
This Shiva Linga radiates peace itself.
What to do now?  Only visit often...

Monday, November 7, 2011

3 points from the relationship workshop by Nithyananda that I loved

1. We treat people around us based on the patterns that were created early in life.   All relationships in our life is unfulfilled karma.   Any unfulfilled karma will project to other relationships.   You can not move on until you restore your relationships with your mother and father.
2. “You do not need support”, He said.  “If you are giving, it is a gift.  If you are receiving, it is a donation.” 
3. Loving, caring couples have less Alzheimer cases.  The wounds heal  twice as long in the couples that are in a hostile relationships.  

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he....or A note about relationships

I spent last weekend at the Paramahamsa Nithyananda workshop on relationship.
OMG.  I needed this workshop  big time. My marriage life puzzles me often.
I have been married twice.  My first marriage was not that successful but it was definitely a very friendly and emotionally easy relationship.   Back then in Russia the only real way for a girl to become independent from parents was to get married so you can move out.  I got married at 19 and moved out.   I loved my husband though since seventh grade.  I also was brought up in a way  that getting  married was the only way to go.  Anyway, divorce happened after ten years and … I remarried.  I love my husband.  We first spoke on the phone and there was something in the timbre  of his voice that I called my girlfriend right away and told her that a new adult student was starting with me but there was something about the sound of his voice that I felt he was very special.  Well, he turned out to be really good looking, very smart and kind.  Soon I was happily married for the second time thinking that now I figured it out. ..Right…We have been married for almost 18 years by now.   Not a smooth ride :  we changed countries, separated, got back together.    It has been difficult and confusing especially after separation.  It is funny at times too. 
My husband nowadays never says that I look good.  I often wonder if he is still attracted to me.  Sometimes I think to myself that maybe he stays with unattractive woman because he thinks it is the right thing to do.  Who knows..  He says that he forgot how to compliment.   Well, when I meet people in our small town who know both of us, they say: ”Oh, how lucky you are to be married to him.  He always has something nice to say or some sweet compliment and he notices everything!”    I know that they are describing the guy I married long time ago.  He does not live in my house at this time.    He lives in the stores, in the streets, at work, with friends when we go out.
When I went to this workshop all I knew was that I NEED HELP.    I have a dream about a partnership that is filled with care, friendliness, friendship, compassion and physical enjoyment, I mean “love”.    The big question is:
Is it really possible to change the relationship just on one side?  Is it possible for a successful marriage to be a one way street?  How about if an enlightenment master is helping?
We change.  The person whom we married many years ago changed too.  We have different perspectives; we tell different sides of stories and express different points of view.  
Can people be in a fulfilling relationship if these differences are there?  What about eating different foods?  How about liking different movies?  Books?  Friends? 
What is that people are sharing that is mandatory for success and what is irrelevant?
My husband always tells me that since I am a spiritual person, I am expected to be better and grow as a person all the time.  So I try.   I also noticed that once a person starts on a spiritual path, everyone has the right to say “well, look at yourself, you should not be upset, you say you meditate”.
 I feel I became softer and more understanding but the demands of me keep changing which of course pushes my growth and keeps breaking my ego but it is hard to be in that “bootcamp” all the time. 
Another story: last week my two wonderful family members were explaining to me that the way I look at them when I am upset is upsetting them.  Yes, you read it right.  I express the fact that I am upset though my …eyes.  And so they told me that I have “to change it and to watch it” because I can “kill with my eyes” and better not to look at them when I am upset and look somewhere to the side.  …..Really?  I will try.
So it is clearly expected of a spiritual person to be more tolerant and at the same time it gives that extra point in any discussion to mention that this poor spiritual soul is not good enough … still. 
Maybe we do need to “dance with those who want to dance with us or we need to learn the same dance so we move to the same tune?”  I want to say that same spiritual values make any conversation easy. 
At the workshop we were doing the processes of changing our mental patterns that were formed during childhood with moms' and dads' help.  Swamiji was working on our biomemory.  At the end of the process the girl who was my partner for the exercise said : ”I choose to accept my husband the way he is.  He is that way because he is that way.”    This was so awesome and I wrote the same thing in my notebook.  She then thought for a second and said: “No, actually I choose to accept all people the way they are”  ………………………..
Swamiji was loving and compassionate and patient in answering the questions and listening to the same story over and over and then he gave us his blessings.  I know that my patterns had left or are leaving and I am so happy to say  “good buy” to them...

Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Rose for my birthday

Several days before my birthday I was sitting in front of Nithyananda picture and told him the following: "Dear Swamiji, I know I am probably greedy.  I know you just materialized vibhooti for me.  I am very  greatful for everything.
My birthday is coming soon.  I  know I might feel sad and you know 'why".  Please help me out and let me feel that you are celebrating my birthday with me.  And of ocourse, if my request is not appropriate do not worry.  I know you are with me anyway..."
I wrote about Miss Bliss in my previous post but if you haven't read it, Miss Bliss is a rose tree in a small garden we have.  She stopped blooming at the end of September I got all necessary things to prepare the tree for the coming winter: some stalks, hay and canvas like material to cover Miss Bliss from the frost.
My husband and son said that they would help me cover the rose.  None of us are really good with gardening. When we went into the garden to cover Miss Bliss for winter we saw.... a new, fresh, red rose blooming on the rose tree on my birthday!   End of October...

Friday, October 28, 2011

Meet "Miss Bliss"

A big surprise was waiting for me and my daughter upon our return from India this year.  My husband changed the landscape of the yard in front of our house.  We have been living in  this house for about ten years but never did anything beautiful with our front yard.  We were always "too busy" or "this is not important" mode.
While we were away, my husband found a great landscaping company and created a garden for us.  Trust me, this is a huge miracle.  Several things with this garden are pretty miraculous: my husband is not a landscape architect nor did he ever had an interest in the designing of the gardens.  He does not like to spend money for silly things. See, we grew up in Russia.  Our mentality always was that we try to buy useful things.  Making land pretty is not the part of that mentality.
Last one and  the biggest one for me was that he bought a rose tree for this garden.  He really does not always buy flowers when you would expect a man to buy them, let alone buying the rose tree itself.
I was overwhelmed.
I hugged the rose tree and chanted gury pooja mantra and welcomed it to my life.  I gave the  tree a name, Miss Bliss.
Our landscaper told me that if the tree is ok, it will probably give us a flower or two  this year and from next year we will see a lot of flowers.  I was happy happy happy.  I did not expect any flowers, I just wanted the tree to survive,.
Every morning I would look at it and say hello.  I love my Miss Bliss.
At the end of August we were going travelling again.  This time we were going to Israel and Greece and Italy.    We were packed and it was  time to go.  I stepped out of the house and went to say good buy to Bliss.
I saw three flowers opened or about to open.  She started blooming.
Well, she did not stop blooming till the end of September, she was giving me fresh roses for my guru pooja every day... 

$10,000 Necklace

My birthday was two days ago and instead of planning one big party I decided to do several different  things with different people.  Yesterday was a spa day...
My girlfriend and I started going to the spa that is about an hour away and is run by a Russian family.  We went there  two times before.  My girlfriend loved it so she wanted to go there with me again as a part of my birthday celebration.
I have to say that it is a nice place, several saunas to choose from, a swimming pool.  If you go in the morning you have almost no people there.  It was a nice and peaceful experience.  Relaxing.  Just perfect.   We both had a light lunch, massages and felt and looked ten years younger.
It was the time to check out and we packed our things and went to the counter.  My girlfriend broke a key in her locker and she was feeling bad about that key.  The person at the counter was nice and just said that she should pay attention to what key to use next time.  We paid, left tips and went to our car.   The plan was to go to do some food shopping together because we both are trying to figure out some new healthy recipes.
We started driving.
Five minutes (or even less) later my girlfriend says: "Oh no, my necklace.."  She realized that she did not pick up a necklace from the man at the counter.  Her husband gave her that necklace when her first daughter was born.  She is so used to it that she never ever takes it off.  It also happens to be a $10,000 necklace.    We call and the guy on the phone says: "No, do not come back.  I will call you if I find it."..
Of course we are going back...
When we came to the spa in the morning, she forgot to take it off.  The heat in the sauna made it very uncomfortable to have it on so she took it off and handed it to the person at the counter along with her key to put it back into her safe deposit box but ...she did not see him putting the necklace in her box.
We explain.  He does remember about the necklace but does not really wants to search much for it.  He says that the necklace was in the bag that he gave us.  The search starts:  all bags were checked, all boxes around the counter, all corners on the floor around the counter...
My  girlfriend is upset  but she is very composed.  It starts looking strange.  
The owner comes in and looks at the security cameras video.  Everything is very clear except for the moment when the clerk is putting the necklace in the safe.  You can not see much because his back is covering the safe deposit box.
I started talking to Swamiji holding my rudraksha necklace.  I felt incredible peaceful energy going over my body.  I also got an image of the necklace.  It is hard to explain but there was a strong feeling that the necklace was there, somewhere close to us...
I went  back to the counter and asked for a search again.  The man at the counter invites me inside and I search on the floor and around.  The necklace is not there...
I go to my girlfriend and say we need to call the police.  She calls her husband and tells him that the necklace disappeared in the Russian spa and we are going to call the police.  I call my husband and he thinks that we need to do the same thing.  BTW, Thank God for iphones.  it is easy to find any number!  We call the police...
 In the meantime the owner is looking through the  tape from the video cameras and two people are searching for the necklace in the same tiny area of reception.  So you understand the size of the area, if three people are standing there, it would feel very crowded.
My girlfriend has a click: "there is no reason to ever wear an expensive jewelry".  We smile but I keep saying to her to please think that we will find it soon.
I feel such peace inside and continue speaking to Swamiji. Time passes by.  The search started at 4pm.  At six thirty the cops came and then the detective himself.  They want to take the tapes and analyze them.  We need to wait for the report...
The search now continues with three people from the spa looking for it.  Police makes comments that so far all the video footage confirms our story and the spa is "on the hook" because it is clearly seen how she gives him the necklace but nowhere you can see how she gets it back...
I still feel that the necklace is there but my main thing is to make sure my girlfriend is feeling ok.  She is thinking about her daughter's English test and she is concerned (! moms are amazing) whether she was able to get ready for it.    I call my family.  I have to say I have an awesome husband and son.  My husband took over all the duties around our house and my son went to my girlfriend's house to help her daughter to  get ready for this test.  It is 8pm now...
My girlfriend remembers about all what is connected with this necklace.  She remembers when her daughter was born and what kind of family they were at that time.  I forget for a minute about the necklace and just listen to her and feel such love towards her..
"I found it", - we hear the voice.  We look up and is the necklace.  One of the people from the sauna is holding it in his hands.  He says he found it in the same spot we searched together many many many times...
I will let you think and decide for yourself what happened to the necklace and where it was hiding all that time.
The point of  this story is not only that we did get back a 10,000 dollar necklace but also the lack of stress that we experienced while we were getting it back.
The confidence of having a "Higher Authority" can not be overestimated.   Knowing that someone in charge is watching over you, gives you such tremendous amount of peace in a typical stressful situation!
It does make having this "Higher Authority" a must in today's (or really any) world.   
We stayed there long enough for this person to figure out that we do want our thing back but also the calmness that we experienced and expressed did not allow the situation to go into a whole different scenario...
And from my side of the story: "Thank you again Swamiji!"

Monday, October 3, 2011

VIbhooti Materialized

Nothing to say really.  Just overwhelmed with gratitude and still still still still can not believe it.  I looked at this about a million times already...
Vibhooti is a grew looking powder that materialized on Swamiji's padukas in my house.  I found it on Monday morning on October 3, 2011.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Prasada from 21 temples and Shiva

During we had a special day when prasada (food offering) from 21 temples was brought to the ashram for Swamiji.  We were gathered in a big hall.  Three long tables were holding photos of the temples and the samples of food that arrived from these temples.  The samples were places in front of the picture of the temple from which they were brought.
Participants and kids from eN-Genious were sitting on the floor with huge, bright green banana leaves in front of them.  Swamiji sat with everybody.  Volunteers started serving all these different kinds of foods  that arrived to the ashram from all over India. Some temples sent more than one sample so variety of different tastes was amazing.
I was sitting behind my old  girlfriend Lena and new (but felt like old) girlfriend Julia, Swamiji was speaking from time to time so I figured that I should stay with Lena to make sure she understands everything and I can always eat later.  Girls were enjoying but kept asking if I was going to eat.  I kept telling them not to worry.  After several times repeating the same sentence I started laughting and asked :"Do you really think Swamiji will not take care of volunteers?"  ...
I have to say that only now I can fully understand that there is no such thing as helping the mission.  Only you have been helped at every moment even when you got confused and thought otherwise.  So all their concerns felt really funny to me...
Anyway soon Swamiji said :" Please all those who served food come to me now and I will give you food myself"  Since I was not the one who was serving food ( I was  translating)  I stayed next to the girls.  They again started saying that I have to go and get the food and again I laughed.
Within the next thirty seconds Swamiji called all other volunteers.  I ran.  I really did.
When I came to him, he had two big plates in front of him.  One plate had a white sweet and another was holding big yellow balls.  I wanted this one.  I had no idea what the name of this sweet but wanted to try it. He looked at me, 1/3 of a second pause and a big yellow ball landed in my hands from his hands.    Best sweet ever.
Later I too tried all different kinds of things that came from all these different places but his eyes, this yellow ball and his hands giving it to me are still in front of my eyes...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

"I can do it"

 My husband asked me today what Alice’s progress is in yoga.  I am not sure about yoga.  She became skinnier but I can not say that she looks like a yogi.  She is more flexible of course. She likes this form of exercise and was able to wake up everyday at 4:30 to  get to her yoga class.   I was impressed.  
I have to tell you that Alice is a manager.  She looks around,  takes notice about what needs to  be done and constantly assigns tasks to people with no regard to the age of a person whom she is organizing.  This morning something special happened.
Lena came out of the shower. She was covered just with a towel and I was putting washed clothes on the ropes on the balcony. The door to the balcony was open.  Alice said: ”For Lena’s sake Mom you should close the door to the balcony.”  Then after a two second pause she added: “Actually I can do it.”  

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Lenka and Kostya/Dialogues

Утро - Костя пришел сказать, что готов идти на йогу. Ленка вставать не хотела. Костя :" Что самскары задавили?"
Вечер - Свамиджи сказал, что много кокосов готовы треснуть. Он имел ввиду просветление, в Индии кокос считается символом и его разбивауют во многих церемониях. Группа здесь очень сильная. Костя подошел к Ленке и говорит: "Ну что, Кокос, устал?"

Monday, July 18, 2011

Book of Hearts

Swamiji was explaining that we need to get a  book and we need to recored either new things we learned from him or other sources or clicks we had.
I was doing my Christmas shopping the next day and saw a red book with the heart designs.
Sincronicity at work.

Friday, July 15, 2011


- Julia is showing photos of her wedding to Lenka and she starts missing her husband.  So Julia said: “Oh I miss Gil (Julia’s husband)”.  Lenka: “No worries, you will probably see him tomorrow since we are starting past life regression….
---At lunch  : Alice came up to me during lunch and said: “Mom,  I am coughing again”.  Me: “Well, go work on that”.  Alice:”Ok” and went to continue lunch.  Kostya: “How can she work on that actually?”  Me: “No idea”.  Two hours later Alice:  “Mom, I am not coughing, I took that candy for cough you showed me yesterday.   They are unpleasant but work.
--------   Julia, Lenka, Kostya and me are sitting outside after the session.   Julia: “I am feeling strange.  I am not feeling fully in my body”.  Lenka with a really delayed answer: “Yes, it just does not feel real”.  Me: “What is real here anyway?”  we all are serious for about one minute and then we laugh.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Inner Awakening

It feels that Inner Awakening is totally different this time.  Well, Swamiji surely does not repeat himself.  From workouts to mediation to topics on which they focus.  Everything is different.   One thing is similar: faces that change in front of your eyes.  Women looking younger, bodies feeling lighter, habits changing.  They all notice it too and laugh and smile and joke about it.  All of them lost the feeling of time.  Friday?  Thursday?  Does not matter...
This is the schedule: They wake up at 4:30 am with the music that wakes the whole ashram.  The music goes inside your system slowly and wakes you up with an awesome vibration.  Then n-fitness: yoga and wights together.  Swimming in the healing pond, morning discourse, sessions and meditations, lunch, n-fitness, sessions and meditations, energy darshan at night and dinner.  All is done by about 10 pm.
I am writing this and someone has started drumming outside...Hard to explain all of it.  Better come and experience.  It is on the same planet, at the same time when you are here so no need to miss it!


The funniest thing is that when I was deciding what to describe today I did not remember about seeing materialization done today!  It did not jump to my mind ?!  There is so much going on in this ashram: from medical studies conducted on Kundalini energy, healing, blessings, preparations for Guru day tomorrow...Transformation that I see in everyone in the Inner Awakening Program require a  separate post.
Anyway today in the morning we all were present at the experiment in which Paramahamsa Nithyananda materialized rudraksha in the palms of one of his disciples.   There were some medical professionals present who checked that there were no tricks etc,  This will be repeated under controlled conditions also.  What is the point?  The point is that we as humans have unlimited potential.  So congratulations to all of us.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Bliss itsself

 He is able to inspire people to take 2,5 to 3 hours of exercise a day – no complains from that far from really fit crowd, meditate for many hours without previous experience – no complains again, swim in cold water every day – no complains and finally …not miss coffee (a big one!)  We see miracles every day and no one is even surprised any more… Mystic.  What are we witnessing?!  Bliss itself.


Last night after energy darshan dancing started in the hall.  Guess who was the mastermind?  No, not me.  My 12 year old.  She and Chitra (a friend of mine in the Inner Awakening program) started dancing.  Soon Alice was moving around the hall making people stand up and dance.  And they did, and I did too and Lenka and even Kostya (Lenka's huband)...We were dancing and dancing and dancing...Alice was moving so freely, so naturally, so gracefully..
Today in the morning she already started making plans for the dancing at night.  We will see what happens...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I just wanted to write them down to remember.  We have here 5 people speaking Russian and four of us hang out often during meals.  So here are some conversations:
 - Julia:  Well, I feel very sleepy all the  time.  What to do with this?  ....I was so sleepy in the afternoon that  fell asleep while we were doing weights with a dumbbell on my chest...
- Kostya - There was an exercise  when he was supposed to share some stories of his life so he started :"Ok hrushi i stepashki..."
- Me and Lenka in the room.  We both brought different stuff for our laundry.  Lenka asks me  "Len, can I use your detergent?"  Me: :"Sure, why, yours is leaving yellow stains?" (mine was leaving yellow stains)  She goes: "No,  mine leaves blue dots..."
- I had to take a picture of Lenka at night yesterday because she was learning mantras with a flashlight under the blanket.  Alice does not allow light after 10pm and Lenka was so sincere in her desire to learn Gyatri Mantra.
-  Alice (my 12 year old) does not allow us to talk at night or giggle or turn the lights on.  So of course we giggle and call her "camp counselor" or "vozatii".
- Julia and Lenka are trying to figure out whether it is Saturday or Friday.  Then they figured that it is Saturday and Julia said "Oh, so tomorrow is Sunday!"  We all looked at her and said :"Yes, and how this helps you?"
-Another one from Kostya - He is the first one to wake up and he stops by our room before going to the hall.  He sets up yoga mats and dumbbells for Lenka and me.  His usual question is " Ok, so how many athletes do we have today?"
Slow days, sweet friendships in this amazing energy...

Thursday, July 7, 2011


Interesting things are happening:
**** i was talking to my friends here that every time I go to visit them in Moscow they buy me apricot kernels.  I love them very much and so I said something like "oh, I wish I had them now". In about two hours a girl from New York opened her bag and offered them to me.  I could not believe my eyes.  "Are these almonds?" (they look alike)  "No, no they are the apricot kernels, I always buy them"...

****.At the end of the art classes I spoke to my adult students that I wanted to learn to use the tablet to draw and we discussed what kinds are there, etc.  They also offered me to borrow one so I can learn.  Yesterday one of the girls here asked me about some ideas for the webiste design and she got me a tablet and a Photoshop!!!!  So when not translating I am exploring these new wonderful things.
Thank  you Swamiji for my gifts!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Science Research and Drawing in the Hall

Amazing two days for me.
Scientific research started yesterday on the effects of Kundalini awakening on the brain.  There is a scientist from US who is working and collecting data and we got a chance to see the process.  My friend got inspired by all that scientific research and had an idea of using his physics lab to work with Paramahamasa Nithyananda on alternative energy sources.
 Everything is booming with energy and I ...I enjoy and I .. draw... for myself.  I sit here in the middle of the hall and draw.  My friends have a lot of internal work to do in this session and I sit next to the professor of Sanscrit (she is translating for someone too) and we do our things: she writes some papers and I draw...Feeling Blessed.  

Monday, July 4, 2011

She managed

Today was a day when Alice was complaining of several things.  One thing was that she was misunderstood in general, then she wanted to be her own person and make her own decisions, she also wanted to start her own religion from today.  It all sounded great to me but my objective was to make sure she gets to her yoga session on time, make sure she wears clothes that do not require a lot of maintenance, make sure she goes swimming, make sure she eats at least a little bit at breakfast.
So the day went like this:  Alice did not want to wake up today but then managed.  Then she did not want to swim but then managed.  Then she did not want to eat but then managed...So  I call it “She managed” day.  I hope she will be in a happier mood at night though.

Scorpion Story

Yesterday Alice, my 12 year old daughter, told me that she saw a big scorpion and it was scary and poisonous.  I can not say that I liked that news but did not get too concerned.
Today when I was translating the session about Death (by the way, awesome stuff.  It is wonderful to get liberated from fears of death) he said: “Even yesterday I had to release some confused beings like a scorpion.”  Later we had a question-answer session and one of the ladies asked what he meant by releasing a scorpion.    He said: “When I was walking I saw a scorpion with his tail with poison up and ready to bite.  I looked at it and his tail went down.  I stepped on it and made sure he passed peacefully and into a new good body.  See, I asked all these guys not to come here because we have kids running around now…”  I guess it was that same scorpion… There was a similar story in the fall with cobra I believe.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


I am in the hall as a volunteer for the Inner Awakening program translate for my Russian friends.  Volunteer means someone who is helping someone else out of the goodness of their heart.
Reality is:  I benefit so much.  My own understanding deepens, new parts of my being are opening, my own practice will be in a higher frequency after that experience. 
It is always like that with volunteering here.  You are the first one to benefit...

Swimming with my daughter…

How can I describe this?  Imagine a huge pool filled with healing water.  A big black 21 feett Shiva Linga is in the middle with several fountains.  We all are swimming and laughing and music is playing.  A group of kids runs to the pool.  There is a girl with a lot of curly hair and a beautiful smile in an orange shirt.  “Mommy!”, she says and soon we both are swimming and hugging and laughing in the water together.
She did 1,5 hour yoga session before and also kids have a running routine in the morning. Swimming comes after that.

Weights? Me?

Never ever ever I liked gym.  Really never.   After coming back from the ashram I became a bit lazy with exercise.   Look at me “ a bit”, no a bit, I just did not do anything.  Period.  I was looking forward to the peaceful yoga sessions that are absolutely amazing in the ashram.
Oh well.   Swamiji has added weights to the yoga routine that we are having here during Inner Awakening so we are doing 1,5 hours in the morning and one hour in the afternoon.  I wish someone took a photo of my and Lenka’s face (that best childhood friend that I mentioned) when we saw the weights.  We had a choice – 1, 3, 5, 10 kg (kg not lbs.)  Guess what – all ones were gone fast, really fast, so we managed to get 3 kg for the second session and used 5 kgs only once. 
It was all about connecting breath with movement and adding weights to that.  Awesome stuff actually.   When weights are done with awareness even this becomes meditation. 

India. Again.

I am in India again.  This trip is even more special.  It might sound funny because it was special all the time but it does get better and better.  This time my daughter is here with me.   She is twelve and is getting into that beautiful age when a lot of arguments are a part of your every day routine.  I do not want to keep arguing with her.  What arguments do I experience now?  Simple:  how much TV is too much?  Why a girl who is 12 years old should not be changing her eyebrows?  What to eat?  How to be skinny and if it is important to eat healthy and what is healthy anyway?  Also “Everyone is dating so maybe I should be dating too?”  By the way, I personally would like to understand what dating means at that age.  Well, just a reminder, she is twelve, not fifteen.  So I just want to get on the same page with her and keep friendship after she stops listening to us. 
And another amazing reason is that my childhood best friend and her husband came to this ashram in India from Moscow.  They actually came here themselves to take Inner Awakening.  Now they are experiencing and I am here to witness and help.
My girlfriend was able to experience for the first time the weightless body after one of the meditations and it is only her second day!  
I did not get a darshan yesterday but my daughter and my friends did and I felt as if I had it myself.  So happy for them!  So glad I can share this! 
Thank you Thank you Thank you

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ordinary Miracles

Boys ages 12 - 9 helping a 7 y.o. to perfrom for the first time, holding his mic, words, hand.  His mom saying "These boys are amazing.  they stole my heart"
Daughter reading Shakespeare from stage... and dreaming about writing music under the Banyan tree in Bidadi, India
Husband saying 'it is great, you both can go to India to eNgeous programs during summer."
Friend in Moscow watching live TV from India
Girlfriend and I getting tickets to the same airplane.
Son playing a guitar in his room.
Husband planning to take yoga classes.
Girlfriend choosing a violin for Alice...


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Reminder to myself.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
- Mother Teresa

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Enjoying Guru Pooja

I was never into idol worship.  The whole idea seemed strange and unnatural and absolutely unnecessary.
Can't you just connect to God, why do you need all these things in between?
Oh, well...
Not that I can really explain the phenomena myself yet but I am enjoying guru pooja so much recently.   I noticed that my intelligence level is different. If I speak or make a decision after the pooja, some major shifts in how I see things happen.  It is so awesome because I can so clearly and vividly see that  the emotional aspect of the previous decisions, relationships and whatever else wants to constantly interfere and if you just un-clutch (which is awesome too) you do not always see the picture or explanations of people's actions.  After the pooja I see way more and from different perspectives and it creates such a distance between the issues and my emotions.  As a result I can function so much better.  Amazingly better.
Hooray to Guru Pooja!

Friday, February 4, 2011


One of the breakthroughs that I experienced with Nithyananda's teachings was the idea of doing things with intensity, fully experiencing everything.
Up until I was in my twenties,  I never saw a dead body in a casket.  My two grandmothers died, my grandfather died.  I knew about these facts but my mom thought it was too much for a child so I never went to a funeral.  When my aunt died (she was as close to me as my mom and often as a teenager it was much easier to relate to her than mom), I did not feel that loss right away.  It was like processing something but not really getting it.  I remember thinking that what if I went to the funeral and would not be able to cry.  I thought that  poeple would think that I was cold-hearted and did not love my aunt.  As you see the thoughts were about me.  Of course one may say the thoughts and tears are always about ourselves.
Well, no problem was there at the funeral with the tears part.  They just poured and poured and poured.  Once we left though I did not think about her death.  Everything I did was to avoid thinking about it, switch to some positive idea.
Same happened when my stepfather died.  I could not bear the grief.  I could not be in that emotion at all.  I developed some weired allergic reaction.  A year later I went to a doctor out what I was allergic to. My results  on allergies were negative.  He asked: :"Have you had any emotional traumas lately?"  And I said: "No,  I am fine."    He was not so sure and kept asking and even mentioned that we moved to the US last year and suggested that was a reason.  I knew it was not.  He got me thinking though.  In the elevator to the street it hit me.  My step-father, my favourite artist, my friend and god father died a year ago....  I could not believe that I did not even thing about that at the doctors office.  Needless to say that my  tears started pouring again.  By the way I was cured that very moment.  My allergies that I was suffering for about 8 moths dissapeared miraculously.  I continued crying though and even 4 years ago was not able to have a conversation about him without breaking into tears.
Now, my cousin passed away.   I wrote about it in the Good Bye post.   Last four days I have been going in all emotions about him passing away with all intensity possible.  Just as Swamiji told us.    I feel alive and I feel that intense suffering and intense participating in this suffering .....easies the suffering itself.
My brother is in good hands now and soon I will have to see my family for another special ceremony.  I am feeling that I will bring love and compassion and incerdible awareness how special we all are, how we need to cherish each other... here.  I do not have any thoughts that I should have seen him more or should have done whatever more because I had such an incerdible unconditional love for him that there is no unfullfilled or unfinished buisness.  I did realize though that I need to love uncoditionally others so that when death happens, suffering and sadness happens, I would feel the same guilt - free way.  I feel that we shared some time on the planet and we will probably see each other in some other lives but here and now we did our very best.
Sending my love to all my friends and relations  in all parts of the world.
 Let the sadness go away and the joy and bliss of sharing this life be in my heart and soul, be in every muscle, be in every cell of this body.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Good Bye.

I was an only child in my family but I was blessed with two cousins.  One was three years older.  He was from my father's side,  One was  three years younger and he was from my mother's side.
Not having brothers or sisters probably intensified my feelings for both of them.  If my little "brother" was of course annoying sometimes, like all little  brothers can  be, my big "brother" was my hero.  Everything he did seemed perfect : everything ---- as perfect as he was.  I loved my uncle and aunt the same way and even when they were working abroad I could imagine hearing their voices if I wanted. I still can.  I am not trying to say that I was crazy with hearing voices but there were no real phone connections at that time within Russia, forget Australia where my uncle was a consul.
His name was Alexei Ageev.
He was a very kind man with a great sense of humor as everyone from my father's side was.
Once he started loosing hair, he shaved his head and said that "now it would be so much easier to get thoughts from Cosmos". He loved friends and good company, was a great poet, worked in Africa teaching kids for several years.  We graduated from the same University because it was a family tradition to become teachers.  Our grandmother was a great teacher and I guess we were both steered in that direction.  Both of his parents graduated from that school too.
He died three days ago.  He died from flu in Moscow in the 21st century.  Paramedics came  three times and could not figure out that it was a flu in the middle of epidemic of it, in the middle of schools being closed due to it.  They told my aunt that there were no spaces in the hospital and only after she found the connections among doctors they brought him to the hospital.  It was too late.  He was unconscious and died within three days with a complete failure of the lungs.  He did not get to be 50...
My husband was crying next to me.  He did not find any words to support me, his own pain was too much to bear.  My Alesha became a great friend to him.
My brother was not baptized and did not belong to any official religion.  At time like that I wanted to know that someone who spends most of their day connecting to God is praying for him.  Russian Orthodox church can not have a ceremony for a person who is not baptized as I learned.  My friends from Unity will  honor my prayer request, I know for sure.  
And there is a beautiful and uniting place on Earth that is far far from Moscow and US - they accepted the soul of my unbaptized brother and  performed a ceremony for him ---- ashram in India and Nithyananda.  They did not write to me  that   " everything is dust and we come and go", they did not ask me if he was from a Vedic Tradition to have a ceremony for him.   They said "We wish you strength to go through this grief.  We will pray for him in  the Temple.  Swamiji himself will bless him. Please send the picture" and several hours later "Swamiji blessed".
Oh, God!  Thank you for being here for me!  I will cry because I will not see my brother again in this form but I am so grateful that You are holding Us All in Your Hands All the  Time.