Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Bad Day

Christmas 2012
What an awful day it was for me today  Why?  Because I was all about me, my suffering, my emotions.  I was not leaving for others.  I was all about feeling my pain.
My husband left us for the second time this year.  First time was several years ago and it was  close to holidays. It was such a shock and so much pain that it was almost the feeling of being numb through the whole thing. Kids and me went to friends for two days in a row and it helped us through the holidays.  By next Christmas I already met my Guru.  Thank you, dear  God!  Suffering was gone.
My ex-husband then came back and I took him back without any conditions, trial periods, whatever.  I was so happy to have a family back together.  He came back as if he never left but only with a lot of anger and meanness.  It was as though he was mad at me that he came back.  Three years later he left again.
This Christmas is the first one when I am sure my family life of 22 years is  gone.  It will never be back.  Now kids need to go in the middle of the day to his place for some great and separate from mine presents;  our used to be mutual friends have to choose where they go on which day and "who is invited where" so I withdrew myself from this "competition."
My son and daughter tried so hard to create a nice Christmas for me.  I was not really able to enjoy it but I will remember this Christmas for the rest of my life.  I saw how much my children cared and how I do not really deserve them.  They are unique and great and loving and I was just so selfish in my grief.
How much is missed with grieving about something that is gone.  Resisting reality makes living difficult.

Miracle on th 34th street/Indian Version

From 2010...
Paramahamsa Nithyananda is going to a Bangalore Court  to officially declare that he is God.  He says if they want to argue, he would enjoy a debate.  He says  this is the land of Advait  God realization is a birth right of every human.
He follows Upanishad that every human being is God.  He also will create a precedent to help enlighten Masters who are under different attacks in India nowadays. 
He tries to inspire Indians to protect their culture and rich traditions instead of following somebody elses.  I am sure he will create and actually already has created a lot of tension.  Along with tension he will create inspiration.  It feels that awakening is happening in the society.  We will see what comes out of this.
This whole thing reminded me about the movie "Miracle on the 34th street" and how New York was voting if  Santa existed or not.  New Yorkers decided that yes, Santa was real and it was their right to believe and they won the trial in the movie.  It is a very sweet movie.   What will happen in India?

Note on the computer

From the Fall 2010.  Returning from the ashram after LEP (Living Enlightenment Program)

I opened my computer on the plane after leaving the ashram to make notes about my last few days in the program.  It is always great to write down things right away  before beautiful things fade away .  When I  opened my computer the note popped up:
            RADIATE your Enlightenment. Live Enlightenment. 
            You are now divine Ambassador, and He is always with you.
                                    So what is there to worry about????
I did not write that note and this note did not get mystically on my computer.  I made a great friend there, I wrote about this young fellow several times. His name is Paul, he is my son's age.   He just wanted to remind me...

Dangers of being around Enlightened Master

The biggest one is that not a single fear or incompetency of yours will stay untouched. You will need to clean all the mess and learn all that you are teaching your children to do. 
Every time I say that I am not good at something I end up doing exactly the thing that  I was trying to avoid. 
To give you an example,  I really never liked Math.  Maybe I did not spend enough hours practicing it but I was always convinced that it is not my subject and there was no way i would ever understand it.  When my son was little I gave the task of helping him with Math to my husband and when it did not work out I found different Math programs (although he just got his Bachelor with majoring in Math and minoring in Physics).  Anyway, now my daughter is in six grade and I am still avoiding her math homework.  
I was speaking to a friend of mine who is a full time volunteer in the ashram now.  She is putting different amazing programs together.  The plan is to create a website with a lot of lesson plans so teachers and parents can follow and kids can learn different aspects of blissful functioning (including Vedic Math !).  I wrote myself down for volunteering and teaching the program but when I saw Math on the curriculum I told her that I have strong doubts that I was a  good fit.  She laughed and said that I just do not understand but because I am an artist it would be very easy for me.  I want to repeat the words: "It will be easy for you because you are an artist". .. Fascinating approach.  I wish all these programs would be available in our public schools.  

Funny thought about deserts

I did a workshop last year in New York City.  Women were funny and very creative.  One was a shoe maker.  She was in her late fifties and she  told some funny stories about her childhood.
When we were having lunch and the time for a desert came, she said: "When I was little, I never got deserts.  You do not get treats because you ATE!"

"What is your religion?" -

It was a confusing question for me when I was asked what religion I belong to since at that time I did not know that my way of thinking actually exists as a religion as well. 
  I used to say: “I am spiritual but do not belong to any one particular religion or I am a Buddhist but I still believe in Jesus."
My daughter and son used to ask for one simple way to answer the question and the above written sentence was all I could come up with.
If you are like me and think that there is more than one way to God, you would be happy to know that there is a name for it.  It is called Vedic Tradition.  And thank God that now I finally have a name for what I believe in.  I can celebrate Jesus and I can celebrate Buddha and I do not feel that I am betraying anyone.
My Master Paramahamsa Nithyanada gave me that beautiful truth and Hinduism gives that opportunity to just celebrate God in all different expressions.
How can you really compare Incarnations, how is it possible not to be grateful for everyone of them and why on earth do we always have to choose one or another?  Why can it not be both?
So here, I love you Lord Jesus, I love you My dear Buddha and I love you Krishna, Shiva and all of you whom I do not know yet.  I hope you will all guide me to Me.  
In Nithyananda, Elena

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Inner Awakening in Sparta - Stories

I wanted to put together some memories.  The whole experience was deep and  sweet.  I can not say that we joked around.  It was a gentle and soft experience.  One day we danced though.  Imgine, night in the town where all are sleeping and in one house on the hill the lights are up and five people are dancing in the middle of the night...
Anyway, here are some more stories
 Fire Ritual
At the end of the program we needed to have a fire.  I have a very nice fire pit in my backyard.  The fire started easily and when it was all burned, a light rain put the fire out as if the God of Fire was watching it.
Swamiji and TV
One time we were talking what was the right way of doing completion after the end of the program. Some confusion was present.  At that moment the TV turned itself on (no joke) and the group on the screen was in the middle of a discussion and the fist sentence we heard was :"So remember the question was how to continue competing when we are at home"... and  then the reminders went.
Then a participant had a question about something and before we could open our mounth, the same thing happened with the TV.  This time Swamji himself started speaking and repeated first the exact sentence of the participant and then went on with the answer.  We all were just shocked.  Pleasantly of course!
 This was a very sweet expreience. When Swamji was giving darshan a strong Jasmin smell will be in our space.  I do have two plants outside and we used jasmin flowers for pooja but the fragrance was just increased during the darshan.  Like sitting in the field of blossoming jasmine flowers.
"Sit Straight"  "Do not sleep"
Swamji was really present with us and made sure we were doing our best.  So we would hear: "Sparta, sit straight.  ...Sparta, is everyone here?"  Sparta, Sparta.  At one point he just blessed the whole town of Sparta.  So sweet!
Akashic Readings
We had a chance to have our akashic readings done.  The answers we got to our questions were not in English and we needed to wait for an email with a translation but...our volunteer spoke Tamil so we knew our answers right away.
Items showing up effortlessly.
We needed certain ingredients for pooja and I did not have them in the house.  One of the participants was able to bring it all just from her house so no need to go the store.  This is really nice because as I said we were engaged 18 hours at least so trips to the store were not in a program.  When we needed weights for yoga I found them in our garage and again there was no need to go anywhere.
2 way treatment and Yogic Powers
Swamiji and Ma Maneesha made sure that none of us went home without understanding our root pattern.  Even on the last day they set aside time and helped my daughter figure out her root pattern.  She solved the riddle and I wish you could see her face at that moment.  Priceless!   I have to say that I have never seen anything like that in my life.  Yogic powers in action.  Liberating others.  We witnessed people unblocking deeply buried memories and ridding off them  to be able to start a LIFE.
 There was a heat wave in our area during a program but once one of the participants complained that it was too hot, the temperature started dropping right before the program would start at night and we did not need any air conditioning.
No Food, No Problem
Some of us were doing Nirahara Ssamyama.  We successfully finished 2 levels or in other words 9 days of "no food and no hunger " meditation.  I do not think that we noticed any difficulty.  Just being in the program seemed to make this such an easy task.
It all felt like the most amazing and authentic experience.  I felt I was in Bidadi itself.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How Inner Awakening happened in my house in Sparta, New Jersey, July 2013

Ten days of Swamiji's support and blessings; ten days of energy darshans, ten days of yoga and kryas and working through what seemed to be out endless in-completions,  Many patterns were exposed and broken in everyone.  Many unforgettable moments happened.  
Inner Awakening took place in my Sparta home.  What is Inner Awakening?  Inner Awakening is exactly that, Inner Awakening.   After it happens in you, your whole being feels lighter and at peace, your whole being is ready to LIVE.
First part of Inner Awakening that we were doing was on completion with our history,  completion with images we carry about ourselves inside and outside.  In other words, liberation.
Have you noticed how many times the same situations will appear in our lives, same diseases will show up again and again, same conflict situations will come up.  Same, same, old same.  
If we are aware and already at the level of realization that if we want outer change we better work on our inner space we look into different programs for help.  Often we would feel better for a little while  after the program but then patterns come back again.
This program is beyond looking inside.  It is a program of liberating a human being from the patterns that do not allow the changes to stay in us.  It liberates from patterns that keep us trapped,  keep us suffering and suffocated.  
I volunteered for this program in 2011 so I saw the incredible value of this program.  I saw people walking out of cancer, depression, broken lives. I saw people looking 30 years younger.   
My daughter kept saying that she wanted to experience it but for the last two years we were not able to go to India.  
I have to say that I love India and miss it.  I love the landscapes, the colors, the banyan tree in the ashram...  
Anyway, in May I heard that the Completion part of  the Inner Awakening will be available through on-line course.  OMG was I excited.  No words to describe.  Finally, I will be able to do it for myself and my daughter.  I started figuring it out.   Well, I should say, at first I started celebrating.  
And then of course, self doubt started happening.  "No, it is impossible, no one will do this program with you.  They will not allow to have it in the house, it should be only in the temple."  Blah- Blah - Blah...  
I posted a note for Swamiji on-line saying that my daughter and I want to do the program but we need his permission for her to participate because she is only 14 and we need his support to have it in our house (nothing less than that!)  I was like a child asking for something.  I want this and I want this and I want it NOW.  But I guess because this request came from the state of a child talking to a parent and not the adult thinking what was possible based on what the adult had known so far .....  He blessed both!  Alice got her permission to participate and the idea to have Inner Awakening in my house was not dismissed.
Then the adult mind set in fully.  That adult in me said: "No way.  You do not have  any other people  interested, you have no volunteers and this program is very intense.  Volunteers are a must. We were doing things 18 hours a day.  The program was also going according to India time so no sleep at night and only short naps in the afternoon.  All the requirements for participants were the same:  Yoga, Satvic diet, 2 way video conferencing and monitoring and being in contact with the ashram constantly so everything goes smoothly.  The program is for 10 days so it is not a short commitment. The whole thing is  not a joke."  
A week before the program Ohio temple said that they were going to conduct the program so I figured that maybe Swamiji actually wants us to go there  because it was too much to organize in a house.  I made a post for him on FB saying that my daughter and I were ready to go where he thinks it is best for us.  There were three options available:  Philadelphia center, Ohio temple or our house.  Next day both Ohio and Philadelhia said that they would not be able to host!!!  I got concerned.  
Doubts started again.  Who are we to make this special things happen for us?!
Same night at the evening satsang Swamiji said that there were people who were just ready to give up.  These people might have almost accomplished what they were trying to accomplish but they still start with doubts and loose the whole thing at the end.  I felt he was talking about me.
I did not stop creating the event though even though I had  my doubts.  The help I got was indescribable.  A girl from LA found another participant.  One of my adult art students talked to me in a way that I felt I would not be in integrity if I do not offer him the program.  I have to admit that I decided NOT to share much about this program with my friends.  I have not  experienced this program as a participant so my excuse for non-enriching others with it was "let me first experience and then I can talk."  Oh, what the games mind plays to make sure you will loose at the end.  One thing, I am not going to keep quite about it.  What Swamji has created to people is beyond anything you can imagine.  Anyway, Swamiji's inner space was supporting though.  So two more people joined me and Alice last minute and on the first day of the program a volunteer flew in from North Caroline and we were all set to start our journey...

Thursday, April 25, 2013


During my last trip to Moscow Russia, I noticed that people were calling other people  energy vampires meaning that some people are tiring to be around or one may feel drained after a conversation as these people  “eat” their energy.  I remembered that I used to have experiences like that too!!!   So one day, after spending time with one of my dear friends, she said to me: “I enjoy your energy so much.  it is light and refreshing and happy”.  Then she stopped and said: “But please do not worry, I am not an energy vampire, I won’t pull it from you.”  I laughed and said: “Please do!  Take as much as you need.  I do not have my energy, I am connected to my Guru and His energy is limitless and goes to everyone who needs it.  I am just enjoying the process.”  
I now again see that another idea left my system.  I always wanted to be a healer.  Now I know that I am because I realize over and over that I am not the one healing, not the one giving.  I am only an instrument.  Thank you God for that :)

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Responisibility/ Smart or ....

This story is from a marketing seminar that I attended last fall.  
A beautiful girl was sitting on the stage getting advice on how to present her company.  The speaker asked her: “What do you do?” She said “We are a group of professional organizers who will midwife your life into a new beginning”.  The crowd went silent.  What?  Turned out she had a company that organizers or de-clutters houses to be exact.  DId you get it from the description?  Well, she was a Yale and Harvard graduate.  I think a lot of educated people suffer from this “let me complicate stuff so it sounds more important.”  
I remember I read once a book by a professor of the Russian Language.  I will skip the name.  I remember only that after reading several pages I thought to myself:”He enjoys his own mind more than he cares about the readers.”  I never finished his book.  Whatever we do we have to enrich others , not enrich our own ego.  My Guru speaks about it every day now for 4 months.  

Remembering Scott Mason

Scott passed April 1, 2013.  It has been almost a month and I only now can write about it.  
I was thinking what do I want to remember if I read my own journal ten years from now.   I realized that I want to remember all that incredible love and support that I experienced from him.  It is really selfish of me but my life was so much better with him in it.  Life of my daughter was so much better with him in it.  I feel so grateful even for the tears that are pouring now because I had a privilege to meet him and an honor to call him a friend.  He was a special soul.  It was as if his job was to make sure there are results in the projects that he is involved in and that people who he thought needed to be appreciated were in fact feeling appreciated.  
His last words to me were: “I get you Lena.  I understand you.  I see you.  Not many people can understand but I can, I see it so clearly.  I see the spirit.  I love you.  I love you. I love you.”  I am so selfish in these memories but I do not want to forget and I do want to see his incredibly blue eyes again...
I noticed that he was trying to create self appreciation in me, self love.   He once looked at my series of Vedic Art paintings and said: “We have to have your show.  I like it.  I like these.”  I laughed and said: “Oh, common Scott, I do not need the show.”  He said: “Yes, you do.  We have to make one for you.  You will see.”    If I ever do an art show, I will dedicate it to him, to his memory.  My school did a fundraiser for Cornerstone Playhouse last year.  It is a community theater where he was an artistic director.  He put all of himself into that theater for us, for our children, for our community.  His life long partner Michael and Scott were rehearsing and building the sets and cleaning and organizing and teaching.  I was at awe when I was watching these two.  Their example, their dedication was an inspiration to me.  After that fundraiser he made me a star with my name and I thought to myself that he was the one who deserved a star, he was helping with this fundraiser as if it was his responsibility.  I am using this word again because I felt that if he said he would do the show, he would be there 200% of the time until the show is successful.   He would be there fully, never ever on the clock.
Once he called me and said: “You are a wonderful person, do you know that?  I know that you are having a tough time now.  I want you to know that I admire, love and respect you.  I am watching you going through these tough times with a smile and a kind heart and I want to say that I know it is not easy but I am admiring your grace.  Remember that you are special.”   Tears are pouring.  He took time and a moment to appreciate and support.  He noticed somebody else's life.  He was so incredibly smart.
And he was this way with so many.  I have a dear student of mine, a teenager who often gets in trouble because not everyone understands that he means well.  Scott said: “ I like Eric.  He might be disruptive but he always tries to make the final result better.”  It was such a keen observation.   He himself was always taking that final responsibility for making everything  better.
After the first show my daughter did with Cornerstone he said to me: “I do not know what she is going to be.  She looks like an actress with a future.  She has a spark.  Cultivate it.”  He then would check on the songs that Alice was learning and watch her in all different performances and give me a feed back.  He was the one who believed in her and gave Alice her fist big lead part in “BIg Bad Musical”.  He transformed a shy teenager into a NY sharp attorney on stage.  We could not believe how natural on stage she was.  The whole show turned out to be amazing.  Full house, applause, applause and flowers, flowers, flowers.  
He met my son just a couple of times.  One time they laughed at the kitchen table at my house as if they knew each other forever.  During one of the last times I saw him, he said: “Lena, I really wish I knew him better.  He is a special soul.  Say “hi” to him. ”  He was about a week away from passing away and was still making others realize that they are special, they are here for a reason.
I sent a note about him to my Nithyananda  and asked his blessings for Scott.  I know he passed away in his sleep and he was not gasping for air and he was peaceful.  I know he is in a better place now but I still want to see him.  I know that all my grief is only for us here.  We lost such an amazing soul.   
I pray to never forget what he taught me, I pray to always appreciate people and help them to appreciate themselves, I pray we can continue enriching others as he was enriching us.  I will always remember and love you Scott.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Lullaby and pain

I went to a Korean spa yesterday to have a massage.   In the middle of that massage a lady started to sing a Korean lullaby.  The thing is that the whole massage is painful for me .  Maybe it is painful because I do not do them often.  Anyway, when she started singing a lullaby the unpleasant sensations subsided right away. I did not understand the language but I felt as a baby and my mom was taking care of me.  Fascinating that the brain seems to be ready to create experiences in your body based on the past memories.  Well, what if nurses in the hospitals start singing to their patients as part of the healing process?  Not sure what nurses will say to that idea but "singing" hospitals make me smile.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Enrichment as Enlightenment

Swamiji spoke on four tatvas (truths) so many times this year and at one point he expanded and suggested contemplating on the extensions or deeper understanding of the four tatvas, which are Integrity, Authenticity , Responsibility , Enriching.  He extended with four words and each of these four words correlate with one truth.  These four words are: Positivity, Possibility, Leadership and Enlightenment.
I wanted to share the experience I had..
Funny Part:  I originally thought that enrichment was when you speak about the tatvas. So on two different occasions with two different people when I was discussing some business ideas and in both cases there was no direct benefit for me I experienced what i understand as enrichment=enlightenment.
My body felt the enlightenment click.  It felt as an un-clutched state.  Something was creating from that space .  Thoughts and ideas  came from nowhere.  They were not taught to me at the seminars, they were not read by me in books.  They came as visions into the empty state of being.    Kundalini energy was active and the feeling was  different from usual.
So when you are integrated and enriching others enlightenment is just around the corner.  :) It would be awesome to ask Swamiji to confirm that that was the true experience. So fascinating to live through all that.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Inner Guru

Recently I heard several conversations about Inner Guru and how you do not need a Guru because you are your own Guru.
I was contemplating and now I feel that actually without your inner Guru you  will not be able to follow a Guru at all.  You will start, you will drop, you will hear only what you want to hear, your recognition  of your own non-authenticity will not be functioning and your search will continue.  During that search  your inner Guru might get stronger, and come more to your field of awareness.
Integrity, authenticity, responsibility, enriching ...These are the truths that your Inner Guru lives by.  

Monday, March 11, 2013

A King or a beggar?

I had a conversation with my 14 year old one today on the concept of giving.  I noticed that a sentence of "you do that and I will do that" is often used among her friends and by her.  I was thinking how to explain the concept of giving and remembered a class with Swamiji.  I told her that when you give in exchange only and ask for equal compensation, you are in the energy of scarcity.  If you give out of abundance you are in the energy of kings.  By law of attraction you will be attracting the same energy as you put out.  Abundance energy will not come from scarcity mentality.
Of course giving and taking should be both with integrity and responsibility then you will not take inappropriately or give inappropriately.
She got it right away.  How important it is to speak intelligently with young minds!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Все, что мы видим это Парашакти или Всемирная энергия.

Все, что мы видим это Парашакти или Всемирная энергия.  
Это перевод истории, ктороую рассказал Свамижди объясняя, что мы часто не готовы воспинять объяснение, которое учитель дает.  Мы можем вообще решить ,что учитель сошел с ума, а он на самом деле пытается показать, как нам дойти до нашего собственного понимания, как сдвинуть сознание из привычных рамок, чтобы мы могли осознать суть, познать правду. 
Глава 9, послание - 244

Короткая история:
Ученик вернулся в ашрам.  Издалека он увидел огромную толпу.  Он заинтересовался происходящим и протолкнувшись ближе, увидел сцену ,которая шокировала его.  Собака пыталась есть еду из тарелки Учителя, а Учитель сидел верхом на собаке!
Ученик ничего не понял.  «Что за ерунда здесь происходит?  О, Учитель, что ты делаешь?» спросил он совершенно сбитый с толку.  Учитель ответил спокойно:» Разве ты не видишь?  Один Брама держит дргую часть Брамы на Браме.  Один четырехногий Брама пытается есть это.  Другой Брама пытается ехать на этом. Много Брам стоят и смотрят на это событие.  Вот и все.»
Услышав это, толпа стала расходиться , говоря:»Что за сумашедствие?» Однако ученик чувствует, что Учитель ничего не скажет, что будет не правдой.
Он садится под ближайшее дерево и начинает осмысливать услышанное.  Несущие смысл слова «Тарелка, еда, собака, Учитель, Брама» звенят в его ушах опять и опять.  Мощь слов Учителя проникает в него, ученик осознает, что все, что его окружает это Брама, это суть существования.
Он осознает и понимает, что божественная энергия блаженно движется во всем и везде.  И в этот момент все меняется в ученике.  Мысль «я» исчезает; сущность состояния «я» затухает.  Удовлетворяющее чувство , что все это Брама, везде Брама, Брама во мне тоже рождается.  Он испытывает первый опрыт просветления.
Мы все Брама; мы все божественны.  Бог везде.  Божественная энергия напролняет и переполняет все и везде.  Это то, о чем Кришна и говорит в своих стихах.
Это основа правды.  Верим мы или не верим, принимаем или не принимаем, понимаем или не понимаем, это и есть правда.  Мы можем звать это Богом, Кришной, Рамой, Иисусом, Всемирной энергией, Космической энергией.  Мы можем звать это , как мы хотим, какое угодно имя мы можем дать этому, Это существует везде.
Отрывок из книги Махаватара Нитьянанды «Багават Гита без секретов»

Monday, March 4, 2013

How does the Master profit from you following Him? ( In Russian)

 Отрывок из книги Парамахамса Нитьянанды  «Багават Гита без секртов». Глава 9, послание - 242
Люди задают мне много вопросов.  Почему так, Почему этак.  Люди спрашивают с подозрнием. Они думают, что если я говорю им что-то,то это потому то я получаю от этого какую-то выгоду.  Если я им предлагаю пройти какой-то курс обучения, программу, то они думают, что я так зарабатываю.  Они убегают думая, что я хочу превратить их в монахов. Они не понимают, что просветленные учителя находятся за пределами всего этого.  Они упускают возможность быть рядом с просветленным учителем из-за своего невежества.
Небольшая история:
В одном холодном и снежном месте лежала замержшая змея, как будто  бы это был деревянный посох.  Слепой человек, который проходил мимо поднял ее и подумал :»Какой хороший посох».
Мимо проходил просветленный учитель.  Он увидел, что делает слепой и предупредил :»Это не посох. Это замержшая змея.  Скоро выйдет солнце и змея оживет и укусит тебя».   Слепой человек не послушался совета Учителя.  Он подумал, что учитель просто хочет забрать его посох.  Солнце вышло, змея ожила и укусила слепого.  Слепой осознал свою ошибку ,когда умирал.
Точно также, когда Учителя пытаются спасать человечество, люди превращают жизнь этих учителей в ад из-за невежества и сомнений.  Мы должны понять, что у просветленных учителей нет желаний.  У них нет внутренних мотивов.  Все, что хочет учитель это , чтобы все испытали состояние блаженства, которое он познал.
В случае простого человека, когда он рождается, он приносит с сосбой желания из своего предыдущего воплощения.  Они называются васаны.  У просветленного учителя нет желаний или васан.  Он находится в состояние свободном от ума.  Он может слиться с энергией вселенной.  Когда появляется необходимость на планете Земля, энергия просветленного учителя направляется на землю, чтобы осуществить миссию для которой она посылается.
Пусть вам будет абсолютно ясно, никто не может помочь нам, когда мы создаем стену сомнения между собой и Учителем.  Учитель может помочь только, если мы сломаем эту стену, только если мы позволим ему быть в ответе за нас.  До тех пор пока мы держимся за наше «Я» мы остаемся глупцами.  Самое лучшее, что может произойти в нашей жизни это встреча с просветленным учителем.  Воспользоваться этим или нет зависит только от нас.  Кришна говорить всем: если вы упустили просветленного учителя вы глупец.  Если из-за нашего «Я» мы решаем, что просветленный учитель является обыкновенным человеком, мы теряем возможность узнать правду.  Мы теряем наш шанс прсветления.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Stars and Us

I really like how Sri Nithyananda Swami expresses the lessons. This one is from yesterday "Gazing at the stars should be entrainment not just entertainment " Means you look at how they do things and learn, apply to yourself and your work in whatever you are doing instead of creating a distance of adoration only. Loved this and wanted to share.

Thursday, February 28, 2013


Surrender feels  as if the light in me bows to the source of light knowing that that inner light itself is the source that is longing to lose separation.  
There is no inferiority feeling but there is a feeling about the Grandness of the Guru.  Feeling of being relaxed.  
Seems hard to express. 
Swamiji expressed it this way:

When we believe there is a Life-force that is conducting this Universe and is taking care of us, we relax. When we relax and are not stressed or worried, we can live and function to our optimum potential. We can express our creativity and live spontaneously. We experience a great freedom and liberation. This is surrender. This is true knowledge also. This is the knowledge that cannot be taught or picked up. The Master can simply transmit it when our being is ready to receive it.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Cutting funds for art is a huge mistake

Funding for the arts and art education is being cut all across the United States. To me, this is a huge mistake. Art is not an extracurricular activity, yet that’s the way most people think about it. Instead, I believe that art, when taught correctly, is a core skill that can inform the way we approach all other subjects.
Valuing art means valuing innovation, creative problem-solving, and the search for every person’s unique mode of expression.
Our children are not the only ones being impaired by these decisions. All of us lose when we let art fall behind. I believe all things can and should be approached as an art – from accounting to sculpture.
At the core of this failure to value arts is a mentality that wants to create automatons who can score well on standardized tests and fit into a broken economic system. 

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

People are the biggest assets on the planet Earth

People are the biggest assets on the planet Earth, said Nithyananda tonight.  He added:"They need right education".
I thought to myself.  Oh, how I wish that Enlightened Masters were in charge of the curriculum in our schools. Our planet would be a kinder and more beautiful home for us.  

Monday, February 25, 2013

Retrieving Russian...

When my daughter had a speech delay, one of the things that I had to do was to use only English around her.  I was born and raised in Moscow, Russia.  I left Russia when I was 30 not 3 y.o.  However, I have to face the reality that my Russian is not that great and I have to work to bring it back where it used to  be.
The difficultly I faced when I wanted to call my baby these cute little nicknames in Russian and had to instead switch to English was huge.  It was not just that I needed to learn different words, update my vocabulary. It felt as I had to do an emotional switch.  We are connected to our native language at our core level.  We hear it  when we are babies, it is in the body itself.
Today when I was making posts on Nithyananda Russia page on facebook I again realized that my Russian was not good enough.  I was later driving around and finally found the words I could not find when I was posting earlier.  Now I am "neither ...nor..."  My English still needs editing and my Russian needs retrieval...Help Swamiji!

Another memory from my childhood...

Another memory takes me back again to our family's wonderful country house; that day there were many visitors including two artists, two sisters, two kids, and all these amazing friends of my parents: a medical professor, a writer, a physicist, a scientist, and other artists. 

There is an argument: Does a person need to be trained to be able to appreciate art?  Can a person from a street without any background or education understand art, or do you need an education?   They are loud and passionate and think totally differently from one another.   I am fascinated as their voices rise, hands waving wildly in the air…

Someone lights a fire and the physicist starts a song and says, “This one is for you,” talking to my stepfather.  Everyone joins in and they sing together his favorite folk song about simple love.  Their voices are in harmony of warmth and tenderness around the crackling fire.  We are somewhere on this planet, not far from Moscow, yet very far from an everyday life.  I just love to be lost among them, unnoticed, and simply feel them; share their exuberance.

The passion and the ideas collide, making static electricity in the room.  I can no longer recall the words, but the feeling of excitement lingers.  
This feels like a different incarnation.  How many lives have I lived through this body?

My Roots

That sentiment applies to our genetic makeup and our life’s experiences.  It is that conditioning (training from our elders in the home and society) that later in life often needs to be reconditioned or just lost altogether, through either hours and hours of psychotherapy or meditation (whatever works but meditation was a faster and cheaper way for me).  
It may also, however, be that same conditioning that will keep you going and will not let you give up; will make you so sure that there is another way or…not.  My ancestors – those little voices that sit on our shoulders - always tell me there is another way.  I just have to look a little harder.  
When we are youngsters, we try hard to avoid family comparisons.  We don’t want to chew funny like Grandpa, or walk weird like Grandma.  We certainly don’t want to tell stupid jokes like Dad or wear old-fashioned makeup like Mom.  After all, we are unique, special, and our own person.  We make every effort humanly possible to separate ourselves from those who contributed to our genetic and psychological makeup, choosing to believe that we sprouted from some superhuman DNA dropped to Earth by alien powers. 
 Then one morning we wake up and look in the mirror, and see Mom’s eyes or Dad’s large nose staring back at us.  The same bushy eyebrows or full lips.  The same expression of perpetual joy or misery.  We discover we can sing like Aunt Clara or play the piano like Cousin Effie.  “Oh, no!”  We decide that it must be a coincidence.
 But along with that realization, can, or at least should, come the wonderful news that our heritage is something amazing, full of surprises, talents, history, and remarkable feats of survival.  I can tell you this is true from my  family.  When I decided to look into it it turned out to be filled with surprises. 
I found that our great-grandfather invented a washing machine for my grandmother before it actually became an everyday luxury. I learned our great-grandmother moved out of the house on her own at the age of 16, after which she became an accountant and much later was able to enjoy that washing machine. And we learned that another grandmother had eight inventions for some kind of space project, despite the fact that we never saw her with a book, and shame on me, I was thinking that she was not the sharpest tool in the shed.   I wish you could have seen my son’s face when he realized that his grandmother was the one involved in the space project.  
 What secrets does your family history hold?  Friends have shared amazing stories with me ; stories of inventions given away out of generosity and selflessness, and relatives arriving at Ellis Island with pennies in their pockets and a dream in their heart.  What are your family stories? 
I tell this story to my students sometimes because it is important to recognize the value of our life’s experiences – the value of our family heritage.  We grow up as one ingredient in a pot of stew, and we can no more separate ourselves from the tomatoes and potatoes than one could remove the flavor of herbs infused into the stew.  It is blended, each flavor enhances the other, and the result is delicious: us.

There were once two sisters, both very beautiful, one 11 years older than the other.  Both sisters happened to marry great artists – men of incredible talent.  The sisters were my aunt (Clara) and my mother, and the marriage to my stepfather, Mikhail, was my mother’s second.  So entwined were the spirits of these artistic men that they died in the same year.  

Mikhail Biryukov, my step father and my God father was a man who felt responsible for everyone in the family, as well as his friends. He loved good company, was extremely talented, and was well respected by his fellow artists.  He was very similar in many ways to my biological father, but not in the political views.  My father was and still is a believer in communist ideals and he always lived his life by those beliefs and standards.  Not many others in the country did. They frequently said one thing, yet did another thing, and never seemed to see the disparity.  He was true to himself and I have always loved and respected him; I also drew inspiration from his life.  I am not sure if he ever knew the song “Imagine” by John Lennon, but he lived his life as if this song was and is the best expression of his world views.  My daughter performed this song this year at the concert and my only wish was for my father to see her.
My mother had chosen Mikhail to spend her life with. He hated communists and all the hypocrisy associated with this totalitarian regime.  The divorce of my parents made me suffer but then brought my second father, my godfather, my teacher, into my life and was maybe one of the best things that ever happened to me.  "Everything is auspicious" as my Guru teachers.  I felt the connection with my stepfather the second I met him.
 My mom, although she was a scientist, stopped working very soon after they got married and enjoyed the life of a housewife, dutifully driving her husband around to locations for him to do his open-air painting.  He was wise and friendly to life itself.  He loved to do sunny things, even when he was sick.  Once after having a heart attack and spending a week in the hospital, he started blowing up balloons to improve his lungs’ function.  Soon, even this painful exercise was turned into a joyous event, and the whole hospital ward took on the appearance of a happy party, filled with color.  He gave balloons to patients, nurses, and visitors.   This simple act changed the mood of the entire hospital.   

Interesting fact – he was sharing a room with a younger patient, who had the same ailment only on a smaller scale.  The young man should logically have recovered nicely and much faster than my father.  But in fact, he died in one year. My step father stayed in touch with him and tried to convince him that a good attitude towards life would change the illness itself, but  it did not work.  I wonder why people, even faced with illness or death, continue to stick to their mind set even if it is harmful for them.  What tricks does the mind play on us to prove that we are not in charge?

My Aunt Clara, however, had chosen to marry a stereotypical starving artist, and she loved and supported him all her life.  They were high school sweethearts and remained together until her death.  My mother relied heavily on her artist for strength, but Aunt Clara went to medical school, intent upon becoming a doctor.  By the end of World War II, however, she switched universities and studied engineering, believing that the country (USSR) now needed builders more than healers.  She became a construction engineer, a professor, and even authored several books.  Nearly every penny she made went to buying paints, brushes, and canvases for my uncle, the artist.  Her sense of humor was amazing; she acted in the community theater, sang beautifully (even tried to teach me to sing!), and was at least on an emotional level, a mother to me.  She disapproved of my mother’s divorce, but she remained close and supportive, not judging.  It is perhaps her strong voice that has given my daughter her ability to sing.
This is my stew and I am so blessed to have all these people in me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

One plus one equals?

Have you ever noticed that your child thinks or expresses him or herself differently?  And although it is not a conventional way of thinking it is still quite amazing if we only stop worrying about their future or ‘fixing the problem’ and listen. 
Early one morning at my kitchen table, a tiny five-year-old sits staring up at her seventeen-year-old brother Lev.  They are doing math.  My son is exhausted because he just spent 25 minutes explaining the complicated concept of addition to his little sister.    He looks very serious and hopeful that she got it.  He rubs his eyes and asks his "test" question:  "So, Alice, one plus one equals ....”

“Friends,” Alice answers, smiling. He starts all over, using his fingers, fruits and other objects.  He tries really hard and then he says again, “One plus one. . .”

“Love,” she says.  

I laughed so hard I nearly choked.  He was so big and strong.  She was so small and insistent.

Friday, February 15, 2013

From Swamiji about "You and Others"

"...Not giving up on people is neither keeping quite nor discarding what people are saying.  Remember,when you  give up on people you give up on you.  Decide today: I will not give up on me based on my past record.  Do the same to others..."

"If you are not serving others you are hurting others.  Either you are serving others or you are harming others.  Life happens to you from outside so you have to positively contribute to other's lives.
Commit to enrich other's lives.  It is the law of nature, if you do not enrich other's lives you are harming others."


There is a saying that nothing really is what it looks.  Well, I am thinking that depends of course on who is looking.  Ordinary eyes - probably yes.  Enlightened eyes - I do not think so.
I do not have enlightened eyes yet but often find that I see much more than what I used to.  By seeing I mean understand and feel.    Much, much better but still ordinary, conditioned to see things.
I did my first proteksha pada puja in 2010.  As I wrote many times, all these things were really foreign to me.  Proteksha Pada puja is when your Guru accepts your puja and you are right in front of him.  I was there for about 40 minutes and then you can speak to him and ask questions or ask for healing or whatever seems important to you at that moment.
Anyway, After the ceremony I got gifts, his framed footprints and my photo of the ceremony.
Footprints were framed and I brought them home without ever opening the frame.  They were not really visible, just a little pink color on what I thought was a white paper.
I have another set of footprints from my second one that I did with my daughter and these footprints are so bright that when I brought the second set I put them to my puja place and left the first one in the other room.  My thinking was the second one is brighter and since they are "the same" I do not even need the first one that much.  I did not disrespect the first one but I did put them away...
I was rearranging my house for holidays this weekend.  I moved the frame with my first footprints and the glass broke.    I put the set with a broken glass aside to take it apart later.  I did not open it still.
In a day or so, I opened the frame thnking I would put the frame up wihtout the glass for now and then when I have time I would get a diffrernet glass.
When I opened it up I discovered that it is a cloth, not a paper.  It has such a tremendous healing energy too.  The whole cloth!  How could I have thought that I would get "the same thing" from Swamiji?!
I am going to design a special healing box and put it under glass there.  Can you imagine if you put this cloth on a sick person?  What a gift!   

Why have I started an art school?

One day when my cheerful, smiling three-year-old sat on the steps and cried with grief changed my life, plans for the future...
I sent her upstairs to tell her brother that lunch was ready.  My goal was to push her to speak more clearly and deliver the message to her brother.  (I was somewhat concerned, but our last appointment with speech evaluation had convinced us that the root of the problem was in our bilingual family.  Denial…)
She goes upstairs and in a couple of minutes comes back crying and in despair.

She sat on the bottom stairs and huge tears roll down her cheeks, “No one understands me, no one understands me, Mommy.”  

 My heart just goes into such a strong shock that I can almost feel the heart muscles clenching like a fist; I feel overwhelmed by her pain.  There is no space between her being and mine.  I feel that my whole being goes into resolve that I will change it, I will change it.  I will do something, whatever it takes, to help her.  Eventually it all turned into Biryukov Academy.  It feels like a long time ago, different life, different person.  I often feel I lived several lives within this life-time.

Dreaming up a life...

jump, jump. Left foot, right foot.  Brown dress, black apron, red scarf, two braids… Moscow, 1973.  A girl is walking the streets of Moscow and dreams intensely about…bananas.   One day, she thinks, many years from now, I will be living in Canada and I will have a kitchen and every day I will have a bowl of fruit on my table with lovely yellow bananas.  

 Why Canada, you may ask?  “No clue,” I tell you, but I think perhaps that it is because there was so much negativity then toward the U.S., and a neutral attitude toward Canada, and so it was okay to dream about it.    

Three years later the banana dream is still there, but it has grown: I can clearly see myself speaking English as if it is my native language.  Oh, and of course presents, presents, presents for my two best friends.  I have a house and money and I am packing a suitcase full of awesome stuff for them.  For one, I would bring a fur coat that is red because she would look so good in it and for another one I would bring a fur coat that is black and white and she would look so fancy.  They will be very happy and we will laugh so much.  

I still have my best friends from childhood.  I have never bought them the fur coats from my dreams and with my outlook on life as it is now, I most likely won't but I do have immense pleasure buying presents for them when I visit and so do they...

We really dream up our lives.  So how important it is to realize that early, very early.  When we are children we do need to dream up something great, something that might be of help to humanity.  We are so powerful.  We need to give our children the guidance so they realize very early that they have the power to create their lives.  We need to give them guidance or better bring them to an enlightened beings where they will learn to create a better life for all of us and our planet.  How blessed are the children who have that guidance.