Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Bad Day

Christmas 2012
What an awful day it was for me today  Why?  Because I was all about me, my suffering, my emotions.  I was not leaving for others.  I was all about feeling my pain.
My husband left us for the second time this year.  First time was several years ago and it was  close to holidays. It was such a shock and so much pain that it was almost the feeling of being numb through the whole thing. Kids and me went to friends for two days in a row and it helped us through the holidays.  By next Christmas I already met my Guru.  Thank you, dear  God!  Suffering was gone.
My ex-husband then came back and I took him back without any conditions, trial periods, whatever.  I was so happy to have a family back together.  He came back as if he never left but only with a lot of anger and meanness.  It was as though he was mad at me that he came back.  Three years later he left again.
This Christmas is the first one when I am sure my family life of 22 years is  gone.  It will never be back.  Now kids need to go in the middle of the day to his place for some great and separate from mine presents;  our used to be mutual friends have to choose where they go on which day and "who is invited where" so I withdrew myself from this "competition."
My son and daughter tried so hard to create a nice Christmas for me.  I was not really able to enjoy it but I will remember this Christmas for the rest of my life.  I saw how much my children cared and how I do not really deserve them.  They are unique and great and loving and I was just so selfish in my grief.
How much is missed with grieving about something that is gone.  Resisting reality makes living difficult.

Miracle on th 34th street/Indian Version

From 2010...
Paramahamsa Nithyananda is going to a Bangalore Court  to officially declare that he is God.  He says if they want to argue, he would enjoy a debate.  He says  this is the land of Advait  God realization is a birth right of every human.
He follows Upanishad that every human being is God.  He also will create a precedent to help enlighten Masters who are under different attacks in India nowadays. 
He tries to inspire Indians to protect their culture and rich traditions instead of following somebody elses.  I am sure he will create and actually already has created a lot of tension.  Along with tension he will create inspiration.  It feels that awakening is happening in the society.  We will see what comes out of this.
This whole thing reminded me about the movie "Miracle on the 34th street" and how New York was voting if  Santa existed or not.  New Yorkers decided that yes, Santa was real and it was their right to believe and they won the trial in the movie.  It is a very sweet movie.   What will happen in India?

Note on the computer

From the Fall 2010.  Returning from the ashram after LEP (Living Enlightenment Program)

I opened my computer on the plane after leaving the ashram to make notes about my last few days in the program.  It is always great to write down things right away  before beautiful things fade away .  When I  opened my computer the note popped up:
            RADIATE your Enlightenment. Live Enlightenment. 
            You are now divine Ambassador, and He is always with you.
                                    So what is there to worry about????
I did not write that note and this note did not get mystically on my computer.  I made a great friend there, I wrote about this young fellow several times. His name is Paul, he is my son's age.   He just wanted to remind me...

Dangers of being around Enlightened Master

The biggest one is that not a single fear or incompetency of yours will stay untouched. You will need to clean all the mess and learn all that you are teaching your children to do. 
Every time I say that I am not good at something I end up doing exactly the thing that  I was trying to avoid. 
To give you an example,  I really never liked Math.  Maybe I did not spend enough hours practicing it but I was always convinced that it is not my subject and there was no way i would ever understand it.  When my son was little I gave the task of helping him with Math to my husband and when it did not work out I found different Math programs (although he just got his Bachelor with majoring in Math and minoring in Physics).  Anyway, now my daughter is in six grade and I am still avoiding her math homework.  
I was speaking to a friend of mine who is a full time volunteer in the ashram now.  She is putting different amazing programs together.  The plan is to create a website with a lot of lesson plans so teachers and parents can follow and kids can learn different aspects of blissful functioning (including Vedic Math !).  I wrote myself down for volunteering and teaching the program but when I saw Math on the curriculum I told her that I have strong doubts that I was a  good fit.  She laughed and said that I just do not understand but because I am an artist it would be very easy for me.  I want to repeat the words: "It will be easy for you because you are an artist". .. Fascinating approach.  I wish all these programs would be available in our public schools.  

Funny thought about deserts

I did a workshop last year in New York City.  Women were funny and very creative.  One was a shoe maker.  She was in her late fifties and she  told some funny stories about her childhood.
When we were having lunch and the time for a desert came, she said: "When I was little, I never got deserts.  You do not get treats because you ATE!"

"What is your religion?" -

It was a confusing question for me when I was asked what religion I belong to since at that time I did not know that my way of thinking actually exists as a religion as well. 
  I used to say: “I am spiritual but do not belong to any one particular religion or I am a Buddhist but I still believe in Jesus."
My daughter and son used to ask for one simple way to answer the question and the above written sentence was all I could come up with.
If you are like me and think that there is more than one way to God, you would be happy to know that there is a name for it.  It is called Vedic Tradition.  And thank God that now I finally have a name for what I believe in.  I can celebrate Jesus and I can celebrate Buddha and I do not feel that I am betraying anyone.
My Master Paramahamsa Nithyanada gave me that beautiful truth and Hinduism gives that opportunity to just celebrate God in all different expressions.
How can you really compare Incarnations, how is it possible not to be grateful for everyone of them and why on earth do we always have to choose one or another?  Why can it not be both?
So here, I love you Lord Jesus, I love you My dear Buddha and I love you Krishna, Shiva and all of you whom I do not know yet.  I hope you will all guide me to Me.  
In Nithyananda, Elena

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Inner Awakening in Sparta - Stories

I wanted to put together some memories.  The whole experience was deep and  sweet.  I can not say that we joked around.  It was a gentle and soft experience.  One day we danced though.  Imgine, night in the town where all are sleeping and in one house on the hill the lights are up and five people are dancing in the middle of the night...
Anyway, here are some more stories
 Fire Ritual
At the end of the program we needed to have a fire.  I have a very nice fire pit in my backyard.  The fire started easily and when it was all burned, a light rain put the fire out as if the God of Fire was watching it.
Swamiji and TV
One time we were talking what was the right way of doing completion after the end of the program. Some confusion was present.  At that moment the TV turned itself on (no joke) and the group on the screen was in the middle of a discussion and the fist sentence we heard was :"So remember the question was how to continue competing when we are at home"... and  then the reminders went.
Then a participant had a question about something and before we could open our mounth, the same thing happened with the TV.  This time Swamji himself started speaking and repeated first the exact sentence of the participant and then went on with the answer.  We all were just shocked.  Pleasantly of course!
 This was a very sweet expreience. When Swamji was giving darshan a strong Jasmin smell will be in our space.  I do have two plants outside and we used jasmin flowers for pooja but the fragrance was just increased during the darshan.  Like sitting in the field of blossoming jasmine flowers.
"Sit Straight"  "Do not sleep"
Swamji was really present with us and made sure we were doing our best.  So we would hear: "Sparta, sit straight.  ...Sparta, is everyone here?"  Sparta, Sparta.  At one point he just blessed the whole town of Sparta.  So sweet!
Akashic Readings
We had a chance to have our akashic readings done.  The answers we got to our questions were not in English and we needed to wait for an email with a translation but...our volunteer spoke Tamil so we knew our answers right away.
Items showing up effortlessly.
We needed certain ingredients for pooja and I did not have them in the house.  One of the participants was able to bring it all just from her house so no need to go the store.  This is really nice because as I said we were engaged 18 hours at least so trips to the store were not in a program.  When we needed weights for yoga I found them in our garage and again there was no need to go anywhere.
2 way treatment and Yogic Powers
Swamiji and Ma Maneesha made sure that none of us went home without understanding our root pattern.  Even on the last day they set aside time and helped my daughter figure out her root pattern.  She solved the riddle and I wish you could see her face at that moment.  Priceless!   I have to say that I have never seen anything like that in my life.  Yogic powers in action.  Liberating others.  We witnessed people unblocking deeply buried memories and ridding off them  to be able to start a LIFE.
 There was a heat wave in our area during a program but once one of the participants complained that it was too hot, the temperature started dropping right before the program would start at night and we did not need any air conditioning.
No Food, No Problem
Some of us were doing Nirahara Ssamyama.  We successfully finished 2 levels or in other words 9 days of "no food and no hunger " meditation.  I do not think that we noticed any difficulty.  Just being in the program seemed to make this such an easy task.
It all felt like the most amazing and authentic experience.  I felt I was in Bidadi itself.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How Inner Awakening happened in my house in Sparta, New Jersey, July 2013

Ten days of Swamiji's support and blessings; ten days of energy darshans, ten days of yoga and kryas and working through what seemed to be out endless in-completions,  Many patterns were exposed and broken in everyone.  Many unforgettable moments happened.  
Inner Awakening took place in my Sparta home.  What is Inner Awakening?  Inner Awakening is exactly that, Inner Awakening.   After it happens in you, your whole being feels lighter and at peace, your whole being is ready to LIVE.
First part of Inner Awakening that we were doing was on completion with our history,  completion with images we carry about ourselves inside and outside.  In other words, liberation.
Have you noticed how many times the same situations will appear in our lives, same diseases will show up again and again, same conflict situations will come up.  Same, same, old same.  
If we are aware and already at the level of realization that if we want outer change we better work on our inner space we look into different programs for help.  Often we would feel better for a little while  after the program but then patterns come back again.
This program is beyond looking inside.  It is a program of liberating a human being from the patterns that do not allow the changes to stay in us.  It liberates from patterns that keep us trapped,  keep us suffering and suffocated.  
I volunteered for this program in 2011 so I saw the incredible value of this program.  I saw people walking out of cancer, depression, broken lives. I saw people looking 30 years younger.   
My daughter kept saying that she wanted to experience it but for the last two years we were not able to go to India.  
I have to say that I love India and miss it.  I love the landscapes, the colors, the banyan tree in the ashram...  
Anyway, in May I heard that the Completion part of  the Inner Awakening will be available through on-line course.  OMG was I excited.  No words to describe.  Finally, I will be able to do it for myself and my daughter.  I started figuring it out.   Well, I should say, at first I started celebrating.  
And then of course, self doubt started happening.  "No, it is impossible, no one will do this program with you.  They will not allow to have it in the house, it should be only in the temple."  Blah- Blah - Blah...  
I posted a note for Swamiji on-line saying that my daughter and I want to do the program but we need his permission for her to participate because she is only 14 and we need his support to have it in our house (nothing less than that!)  I was like a child asking for something.  I want this and I want this and I want it NOW.  But I guess because this request came from the state of a child talking to a parent and not the adult thinking what was possible based on what the adult had known so far .....  He blessed both!  Alice got her permission to participate and the idea to have Inner Awakening in my house was not dismissed.
Then the adult mind set in fully.  That adult in me said: "No way.  You do not have  any other people  interested, you have no volunteers and this program is very intense.  Volunteers are a must. We were doing things 18 hours a day.  The program was also going according to India time so no sleep at night and only short naps in the afternoon.  All the requirements for participants were the same:  Yoga, Satvic diet, 2 way video conferencing and monitoring and being in contact with the ashram constantly so everything goes smoothly.  The program is for 10 days so it is not a short commitment. The whole thing is  not a joke."  
A week before the program Ohio temple said that they were going to conduct the program so I figured that maybe Swamiji actually wants us to go there  because it was too much to organize in a house.  I made a post for him on FB saying that my daughter and I were ready to go where he thinks it is best for us.  There were three options available:  Philadelphia center, Ohio temple or our house.  Next day both Ohio and Philadelhia said that they would not be able to host!!!  I got concerned.  
Doubts started again.  Who are we to make this special things happen for us?!
Same night at the evening satsang Swamiji said that there were people who were just ready to give up.  These people might have almost accomplished what they were trying to accomplish but they still start with doubts and loose the whole thing at the end.  I felt he was talking about me.
I did not stop creating the event though even though I had  my doubts.  The help I got was indescribable.  A girl from LA found another participant.  One of my adult art students talked to me in a way that I felt I would not be in integrity if I do not offer him the program.  I have to admit that I decided NOT to share much about this program with my friends.  I have not  experienced this program as a participant so my excuse for non-enriching others with it was "let me first experience and then I can talk."  Oh, what the games mind plays to make sure you will loose at the end.  One thing, I am not going to keep quite about it.  What Swamji has created to people is beyond anything you can imagine.  Anyway, Swamiji's inner space was supporting though.  So two more people joined me and Alice last minute and on the first day of the program a volunteer flew in from North Caroline and we were all set to start our journey...